Let us reply...

The content behind this link isn't funny out of context, but its great for sending to people who forward you unfunny jokes about flatulence. What's more, if they're signed into Amazon similar books will then start appearing on their Amazon front page :D

Also on Yahoo!...

• Speak English!: The German Coastguard
• Careful what you say: Dr Death

The Magic Fridge

This invention is pure genius. By Yahoo!

Escape of the Red Square

Simple but addictive game.

Google still have that slightly surreal sense of humour.

Google has entered the food market with Google Gulp. Or, maybe its a spoof.

The Frequently Asked Questions is the best bit.

My first, and possibly last, NSFW post

For those of you who don't know, NSFW is an acronym for "Not Safe For Work". Its used across the web as an excuse to show soft porn when a blog such as this goes through a dry spell, but here its used to denote things that may contain too much profanity for a wholesome office (or college, school, nursery, whatever) environment.

• I Hate My Flatmate Blog
• 40-metre Profanity spotted from space
• "The Cheese Family" on Weebls' Stuff
  

Turns out I misspelt plagiarism.

^ SIX MONTHS that plagiarism slogan's been up there. The misspelt slogan is featured on a dozen blog directories and every other search engine in the free world. Could NOBODY who reads this have told me?

MT* celebrates one year of blogging goodness

No, really. MT* has now been plaigerising en masse for twelve full months. Although the first few weeks of posts have been changed to make way for contents pages and similar dross the dates are still there. Well, kinda: the blog's only been called Mark's Things* for about six months, but damn it, it took me ages to find a good first birthday clipart and I'm gonna publish it before the copyright holder finds out.

Anyway, you may be wondering, what's in store for this historic post? Well, in the spirit of such a landmark I decided to follow in the footsteps of the entertainment pioneers and use such a milestone for.... a clip show.

Typo upon Typo: One Year of MT*

• The World According to the USA (Jan 06)
• The "Play with and Watch some Sand" Game (Dec 05)
• That was Unsettling... (Dec 05)
• Cats Doing Stupid Things (Dec 05)
• The Dullest Blog in the World (Nov 05)
• Builder in Training (Nov 05)
• Be Patient, Dear (Oct 05)
• Bush Bashing and Bush Bashing (Oct 05)
• The Greatest Insurance Scam ever (Oct 05)
• A Chav Joke (Sep 05)
• Revelations in Northumberland, an MT* Original (Sep 05)
• Skoda Stuff (Aug 05)
• The New Bruce Willis? (Aug 05)
• Who says exams are getting easier? (Jul 05)
• Bill Gates vs General Motors (Jul 05)
• Trainee Ferrari Driver (Jul 05)
• New Words (only for the clever people, really) (Jun 05)
• Office Dares and (May 05)
• The Best Use of Children in Adverts, Ever. (May 05)
• More Revelations in Northumberland, an MT* Orriginal (May 05)
• Dead Ringers Clip and Dead Ringers Clips (May 05)
• 26 Things to Do in an Elevator (Apr 05)
• Bread is Dangerous (Apr 05)
• Fireworks and Hot Dogs (Apr 05)
• The Monster Raving Loony Party (Apr 05)
• Pride of Britain and Pride of Britain (Mar 05)
• Compuer Helpline Quotes (Mar 05)
  

Did they mean to do that?

They couldn't have.

( Site News )

For some reason the RSS feed has been playing up but it seems to be better now.

As a result, I am delighted to present this button. If you press the button it will add the titles of the blogposts to either your Google homepage or, if you use such a thing, Google Reader; so you don't have to keep checking back here to see if I've been arsed ("assed" in the USA) to post anything new.

(Don't worry, its easy to get rid of if you decide you don't like me, as many people have.)

Useful Chinese Phrases

1) That's not right………………………….Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harbouring a fugitive…………..Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP…………………………Kum Hia

4) Stupid Man……………………………….Dum Gai

5) Small Horse………………………………Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach…………………Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped the coffee table……………….Ai Bang Mai Ni

8) I think you need a face lift………………..Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here……………………Wai So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet…………….Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone………………….No Pah King

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week………WaiYu Kum Nao

13) Staying out of sight……………………..Lei Ying Lo

14) He's cleaning his automobile……………Wa Shing Ka

15) Your body odor is offensive…………….Yu Stin Ki Pu

Another pretty good exam answer...

Ooh an update. No wait, it isn't.

Well, its a new post, but its not going to tell you anything you didn't know already. This is just to say if you've arrived here looking for Talking Dogs (as the search engines have finally picked this up), the post is here.

Also, if you liked "The IT Crowd" on Channel 4 (its not to everyone's taste) you can actually watch the next episode online (legally) here.

Other than that, a real update will arrive as soon as I find something worth blogging.

(EDIT: Actually I've just remembered someone sent me this...

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is
disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.

Zen, vi vil rul d vorld....

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny!

If you aren't already a regular visitor to Weebls' Stuff, watch this. You may need the subtitles if you're using crappy Dell OEM speakers like me.

Daily Mail Headline Generator

Possibly a bit British for all the American readers, but worth tyring out.
http://www.qwghlm.co.uk/toys/dailymail/

My favourites so fra:
:: DO BRUSSELS BUREAUCRATS GIVE HOUSE PRICES CANCER?
:: COULD KEN LIVINGSTONE DEFRAUD THE MEMORY OF DIANA?
:: WILL THE UNEMPLOYED INFECT THE ELDERLY WITH AIDS?
:: WILL NEW LABOUR IMPREGNATE YOUR PENSION?

Kiss & Slap

Bush, Manmohan Singh, Aishwarya rai and Sonia are traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red f rom an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking: These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking:
Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.

Bush is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

Manmohan is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again.

The "Other" Driving Theory Test

When we say mock test, this is what we mean.

Found by MT* Reader Statto. Click the contact link on the right if you'd like to submit something.