More Things To Do On a Long Haul Flight

• Find common interests. Ask, "Are you in the Witness Protection Program too?"
• Call the stewardess "nurse".
• Sport a kamikaze helmet and goggles. Speak in a low voice into a hand held tape recorder: "Today's date, December 7th, 1941. I was not able to command my own personal plane but success shall still be ours...."
• Speak in Sesame Street-ese e.g. "Hello. H-e-l-l-o. Hello. Nice weather we're having isn't it? Weather. W-e-a-t-h-e-r. Weather."
• Continually offer to share your "Beano".
• Decorate. Bring a scatter rug and tiny draperies. Hang a "Home Sweet Home" plaque on the back of the seat in front of you. Invite your fellow passengers in for tea.
• Suddenly remember that you left your iron on. Ask if the pilot would mind going back so you can check.
• Plug the earphones into your nostrils.
• Bring a duffel bag packed with pipe cleaners, styrofoam balls, construction paper, etc. Organize a "Kraft Korner". Make a craft likeness of the person sitting next to you. Give yourself an "F".
• Use the in-plane phone. Call God and say, "The reception is much clearer up here...."
• Speak in an incredibly fake Australian accent. Call the person "mate". Tell them you're not used to seeing the sky, since you are from "Down Under". Keep repeating quotes from "Crocodile Dundee," such as "That's not a knife! That's a knife!", until they are forced to yell at you that you are not Australian. Call them prejudiced.
• Bring a "Word-a-Day" calendar on board with you. Read every single word aloud and attempt to use it in a sentence. Use them all incorrectly. "My, you have a very irate home,' she said governessly."
• Lean back in your seat, fold your arms behind your head and exclaim, "Thank God for auto-pilot, eh?"