Here's a novel (yet seemingly serious) idea...

... paying someone to stand in a queue for you.

Follow-up on the old BBC-interviewing-the-wrong-guy thing...

Its been a busy week for Guy Goma. The guy now has a whole fan club and an online petition full of people wanting him to be given a job at the BBC.

In addition, he is auctioning the shirt he was wearing at the time for charity, and he was also invited back to do a second interview with BBC News.

(The second interview isn't all that funny and you'll probably have to turn your speakers up if you're not used to foreign accents; but hey, I'm just keeping you up-to-date.)

How to annoy a restauranteur:

Decline to be seated at the restaurant, and simply stand and eat their complimentary mints at the cash register. Look casual and talk to a friend as you do so.

Bunny Suicide Comics. This is so wrong.

If you think you might be traumatised by cartoon strips in which the cutest little bunny rabbits find ever more innovative ways to kill themselves, don't click this.
(EDIT: Seriously; don't. I mean it.)

Hey, Mr DJ... You're a hand.

Yes folks, a hand can do a better job than Jo Whiley.

Honesty is the best policy (yes, its more strange eBay auctions).

This guy should be a professional car salesman.

After you've read it, here's the best of the questions and answers:

Q: Hi i noticed you said it had one ginger in the car, can you confirm all trace has been cleaned away as im allergic thanks
A: I can sympathise. I should have mentioned in the description that the ginge was actually wrapped in tin foil for the duration of his journey. You have to wrap it with the shiny side in, in order to contain the ginge-rays. Shiny side out would absorb heat from the sun and set him on fire - so either way you can't lose.

Q: Is the panda pop unopened?
A: I daren't open it. I'd rather lick plutonium off a horses cock.

Q: Does this beauty have SatNav fitted?
A: It did up until it told me to 'turn right now' about thirty seconds before that photo was taken.

Q: Hi, was just wondering if the Boot Contents would be available to purchase seperately?
A: I don't think that would be fair on the car-purchaser. The current bid could be solely based on the sway of the lucious boot-items. You could try nicking them? I'm not even sure if I locked the car.

Scarecrow > Policeman

If you're on a mission to slow down traffic, you may as well have some fun at the same time.
(Warning: this links to a British tabloid, but the story is SFW.)

London, baby! etc.

Sometime next month, I are going to London.
(There's no punchline to this post; I have to make a diary-style entry once every so often to comply with Blogger's Terms of Service.)

Scientists have finally answered the chicken-or-the-egg question.

So if you don't want it spolit, don't read this article on Yahoo! News.

Now if only they could work out if falling trees make noise if nobody hears them, my life would be complete. Well, that and how to make Virgin Trains run on time.

Some people on eBay are so impatient...

... and that includes this guy who's just trying to sell a car. Scroll down about halfway to the "On 22-Apr-06 the seller added the following information" bit for the amusing bits.

YouTube Presents: The Best Own Goal Ever.

I'm not a fan of the World Cup (though the 2 for 1 sandwich deals it brings about are fine) but even I saw the gem inside this man.

Est-ce que un lapin au-dessous de cela?

If you're the sort of person who likes pictures of cute bunnies balancing stuff on themselves, you may like these:



According to the site whence they came, the guy who does this "starts training [the rabbits] while they're still young, by petting them and, when they are relaxed, placing a light object on their head. For the bunnies, it's almost an extension of the earlier petting, and therefore feels natural."

This all reminds me of CatsInSinks.com, which states that many cats like to climb into sinks as their shape makes them feel comfortable. There are of course a lot of pictures of cats in sinks, and the site is proud to be Google's top result for "Cats In Sinks".

Another informative post on MT*.

Hey, look. Original content.

I came up with this all by myself. Well, the picture's nicked; but everything else is me me me.
(Feel free to copy the picture, just don't edit out the attribution. That's you, Mr. Bauman.)

Un chien dans la sac.

Well, kind of. This is how you can take animals on crowded public transport.

2 Cows.

Via Spy's Spice at www.xenmate.blogspot.com
(Clicky for the original post, including a nice picture of 2 cows.)

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows
and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows.
The Government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM:
You have 2 cows
the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: (i love this one)
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows
But you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows
None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRISH FARMER:
You have two cows.
You claim government subsidies for eight cows.

Soccer Joke

It is just before Scotland vs. Brazil at the next World Cup Group game. Ronaldo goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum."What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Scotland. They're nothing and we can't be bothered." Ronaldo looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat these guys by myself, you lads go down to the pub." So Ronaldo goes out to play Scotland by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for some German beer. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads: "Brazil 1 (Ronaldo: 10 minutes) - Scotland 0 ." He really is beating Scotland all by himself!

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers, "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on." They put the teletext on. "Result from the Stadium: Brazil 1 (Ronaldo: 10 minutes) - Scotland 1 (McStay: 89 minutes)." They can't believe it - he has single handedly got a draw against Scotland! They rush back to the stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.

He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against Scotland, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!"

"No, no, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes."

Public Service Warning

If you ask for extra cheese in a UK franchise of Subway they will charge you an additional 20p!

O_o

Good Quotes Wot I Also Stole

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I intend to live forever - so far so good.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

[ Credit: Stuey ]

Correction.

This in reference to the BBC interviewing the wrong guy (see video clip below).

The taxi driver below is not actually a taxi driver; rather someone who had come into the BBC for a job interview. It is thought that he misheard the name being said and was bought into the studio, presumably thinking that the BBC's job application procedures were simply a bit more radical than he was expecting; and didn't realise the mistake until he was on air (I refer you to his expression in the video clip below.)

The real interviewee, editor of a technology magazine, was still waiting in the BBC lounge at the time and was watching, shocked to see that he had become a black man who couldn't answer the simplest of IT questions.

It is unknown as to whether he got the job.

The BBC interviewed the wrong guy.

This is a real interview in which the BBC interview a taxi driver, thinking he is the edior of a technology magazine. Just watch it as far as the look on his face when they announce his 'profession'.

More on the story here.

Two games

Normally I don't post games on here as they all seem the same as each other after a while but here's a couple of new ones:

Beat The Meter: www.beatthemeter.co.uk

Time On Time: www.game.maconomy.com

Mark's Words of Wisdom

"Aubergine? Isn't aubergine that vegetable that makes me roll my eyes?"

-- Mark McGuire, 2006

Crabs.

If you aren't already a regular at Weebls' Stuff, watch crabs. Its just so visionary*.

* wierd.

May 2006 Poster of the Month

In affiliation with AllPosters.com



The Simpsons - Homer Scream
Buy this Poster

CowAbduction.com

Its a serious problem, and an equally serious website.

Yes, its a John Prescott joke.

As every other site listed on BritBlog will be having a cheap laugh at the oversized British politician, this seems like a good time for me to jump on the bandwagon.

*clears throat*
What do John Prescott and mfi flat pack furniture have in common?
A few screws in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.
*gets coat*

Credit: Manalishi.

Hooray for the British education system.

An interesting mathematical fact: if you assign every letter a number where a is 34, b is 35, c is 36, etc.; the letters in the word "superstitious" add up to 666, the mark of the devil.

Also, today was 01:02:03 on 04.05.06. I cant believe I missed that (I was distracted by a 5p on the floor, I think.)

And no, the date thing will not work for the Americans and dyslexics who write the month before the date.

Some springboards are springer than others.

And here's the proof.

Via Yahoo!

A blog... linking... to another blog?

Its a pity about the creeping text message shorthand, but as personal blogs go this one was gently funny and, dare I say it, worth reading. All 5 posts.