Addictions

You are addicted to video games when:

* Your wife tells you that you are, and you two kids; Mario, and Sonic; agree with her.
* You ask your doctor how many lives you have left.
* You've decided you won't go outside anymore due to the 'tacky graphics, poor sound and low playability.'

You are addcited to coffee when:

* You can jump start your car without cables.
* You answer the door before people knock.
* You get a speeding ticket even when you are parked.
* You've worn out your third pair of shoes this week.
* You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
* You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
* You don't sweat... you percolate.
* You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
* The only time you are standing still is during an earthquake.
* All your kids are named Joe.
* Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
* You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
* You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
* You chew on other people's fingernails.
* You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
* You don't get mad, you get steamed.
* You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
* You don't tan, you roast.
* You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
* You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
* You help your dog chase its tail.
* You introduce your spouse as your coffee mate.
* You name your cats Cream and Sugar.
* You ski uphill.
* You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
* Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
* Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
* Your taste buds are so numb; you could drink your lava lamp.
* Your Thermos is on wheels.

You are addicted to eBay when:

* Every time you go to the grocery store, you offer the cashier one cent more for each item in the cart of the person in front of you.
* Sitting on the floor of your empty apartment, you stare at your fingers and wonder whether they'll sell better individually or as a matched set.
* Your spouse is loving and caring but you decided to file for divorce because you need the storage space.
* You're the reason they adopted the "No selling your children's vital organs" policy.
* Just ask your kids, eRay and eFaye.
* You set your alarm clock for 3 am so you can log on to protect your bid.
* You've questioned your sanity because of the price you've bid... more than once.
* You've changed all your clocks to "eBay official time (PDT)."
* You've turned up the volume on your email alert so you'll never miss an Outbid Notice.
* You won't go to estate auctions because they don't take PayPal.