My Cat's Got Knees!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!

Normally I'm not a huge fan* of RatherGood.com but I thought this was worth watching.

* Ever since those damn Switch/Maestro ads, anyway.

The one with the Philosophy Professor

You may have heard this before put here it is anyway:

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full . . . They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full! . The students responded with a unanimous . . . "yes."

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided . . . "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things . . . God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions . . . Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter . . . Like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else . . . The small stuff."

" If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued . . . "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."

" So, pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness . . Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first. The things that really matter. Set your priorities . . . The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised his hand and asked to come down and demonstrate another idea. Given permission he walked down to the front and carefully poured half a can of Budweiser into the jar, filling in the tiny gaps in between the grains of sand. The students laughed. He said, "This shows that no matter what else is going on in your life, there's always time for beer".

Hey look, I can blog from my phone.

Lovely.

Fishing with Bill Swain

Is this the most accident prone fishing programme presenter in the world?

Probably.

Company Policy

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Annual Leave Days
Each employee will receive 104Annual Leave days a year. They are
called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Joke auctions get press, but this one actually deserves it.

You may notice that MT* didn't cover the air guitar or empty mince pie dish that was for sale on eBay for they lacked the originality found in our plaigerised links (with the obvious exception of Stick Man.)

But this one's a one for the UK viewers (which according to my stats is about 55% of you) who watch the news (which is probably more like 1%, but I'm going to post this anyway:) http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/03/21/peerage_auction/

A public response to the latest email...

... no, the pedantic sheep is not going to be a permanent sidekick, though she may spontaneously appear in a few episodes where suitable. Kind of like Aled from Radio 1's breakfast show, I guess.

When you're used to a typewriter...

.. it can be hard to get used to a PC.

( Come to think of it this probably should've gone over at Mark's Edits*, but no-one reads that. )

This PSP ad featured on a Manchester railway station platform has had be covered for fear it may encourage people to leap onto the track. No kidding.

A similar ad saying "Your Girlfriend's White Bits Here" with the camera icon enlarged has also sparked criticism not because it seems to encourage a U-18 gaming market to look at porn on the go, nor because its sexist, but because the term "white bits" is apparently racially discriminative. What I'd like to ask is whether anyone would be OK using a PSP on a platform with that ad behind them.

Don't like Stick Man?

Then don't click here to see the start of the new series. One of the few semi-original parts of MT*.

One for the college viewers...

... what do if you take too long over a test.

If I worked for a certain camera manufacturer*...

... this would be called a "Kodak Moment".
* Note: This certain camera manufacurer would be Fuji, obviously.

Surprisingly droll *I learnt a new word* Simpsons title.

That is, the non-animated version.

This is NOT that kind of blog.

Since I made a post that consituted of links containing The F Word about a dozen people have arrived here after searching for "NSFW". Well to those people; turn right around and take your smut elsewhere. (But click on some Google ads before you go.)

Topical.

... There were no customers in the bar, except for the three in the corner, and they were a strange trio in themselves, because sitting at the table were a bear and a lion and on the table perched a chicken.

The Bear said to the other two, and the barman had he been listening, "If I roar in the forests of North America, the entire forest shivers with fear."

The Lion, not to be outdone said, "And if I roar on the great plains of Africa, the entire savannah is afraid of me."

But the chicken stretched his wings and his neck and said, "Big deal. I only have to cough, and the entire planet wets itself."

Fancy talking to a robot?

Add this to your MSN: smarterchild@hotmail.com

(edited on 11.3.06. Thanks for sars for pointing out the typo.)