Noah's Ark in the Modern World

The year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in the United States,
and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated,
and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying,
"You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain
for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down
and saw Noah weeping in his yard -- but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah,
"but things have changed.
I needed a building permit.
I've been arguing with the inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors claim that I've violated
the neighborhood zoning laws by building
the Ark in my yard and exceeding the
height limitations.

We had to go to the Development Appeal Board
for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation
demanded a bond be posted
for the future costs of moving power lines
and other overhead obstructions,
to clear the passage for the Ark's
move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us,
but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem.
There's a ban on cutting local trees
in order to save the spotted owl.
I tried to convince the environmentalists
that I needed the wood to save the owls --
but no go!

When I started gathering the animals,
I got sued by an animal rights group.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals
against their will.
They argued the accommodation was too restrictive,
and it was cruel and inhumane
to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build
the Ark until they'd conducted an
environmental impact study
on Your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint
with the Human rights Commission
on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire
for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization is checking
the green-card status of most
of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers
with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse,
the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord,
but it would take at least 10 years
for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared,
the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean You're not going to destroy the world?".
"No," said the Lord.
"The government beat me to it."